


The Adrenaline Wore Off—The Nate’s Mind Shuts Down Job

by crayonbreakygal



Category: Leverage
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Parker Being Parker, Romance, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 22:22:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8031211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crayonbreakygal/pseuds/crayonbreakygal
Summary: The adrenaline wore off.  The high he’d get from planning and implementing the perfect con was gone.  Even the need to plan was gone. Takes place right after The Last Dam Job, season four.





	The Adrenaline Wore Off—The Nate’s Mind Shuts Down Job

**Author's Note:**

> There was no way that Nate went out on the boat right after everything that happened. He was shot, yet again. He had to have time to recover and so did the rest of them. So here's my take on it. It's a wonder that this didn't happen to Nate before this. Enjoy!

The Adrenaline Wore Off—The Nate’s Mind Shuts Down Job

Takes place right after The Last Dam Job, season four

The adrenaline wore off.  The high he’d get from planning and implementing the perfect con was gone.  The fact that two men had died in the process should have bothered him more.  They both had the chance to walk away, free or somewhat free until the government caught up with the two of them.  They were alive, until they decided to not be. 

Greed drove them both to dive for that gun, not Nate.  He had to keep believing that, except he had given them the weapon in which to do this.  Very poignant that it was Jimmy Ford’s weapon.  They both, together, had caused his death, hadn’t given the old man a choice in the matter, unlike what Nate had done. He’d given each man the choice of life or death.  They both chose death, by greed.

As he sank down in the chair, his shoulder felt like it was on fire.  No matter what Sophie had done out in the field, it was still bleeding.  He didn’t think the bullet was still there, but how could he tell?

Eliot must have read his mind because not two minutes later, he appeared at Nate’s side with a med kit and surgical gloves.

“I couldn’t tell if it passed through,” Sophie said behind him.

As he leaned forward, Eliot helped him out of his coat.

“I liked that jacket.”

“Oh, I’ve heard that one before,” Sophie answered, knowing from a time long ago that Nate tended to get shot in the shoulder.

“Did I ever replace that one?”

“I believe you did not.”

“Oh.  I couldn’t remember.”

The shirt came next, which was totally ruined from all the blood he’d lost.

Eliot examined the wound, looking at the entry and exit at the back.  Nate could tell his focus was getting fuzzy from all the blood loss.  His eyes felt heavy, his arm and shoulder hot and almost like it was electrified from the pain shooting down his body.  Eliot stitched the holes up efficiently, cleaning the wound right before he did.  Looking straight ahead to the rock wall, Nate could hear Hardison off in the distance telling Parker about what they needed to do to clean up everything else that Nate hadn’t even thought about so that Latimer’s and Dubenich’s deaths would not be linked back to them.  Nate wanted to point out something, but lost the thought as he felt the needle enter his arm, to ease the pain.

He almost fell over where he sat if it hadn’t been for Sophie watching him like a hawk.  She hadn’t taken her eyes off of him since he’d been shot.

“Nate, we’re almost done,” she whispered into his ear.

“Yeah.  Almost done,” came slurring out as he swayed in his seat.

“We’ll pump him full of antibiotics and pain meds and see how that works for the next twelve to twenty-four hours.”

He held onto Sophie like she was his lifeline, his link to the world outside.  The fact that he hadn’t had much sleep in the past week on top of the blood loss and no food that day except for toast for breakfast wiped him.

“Ok, um, Hardison needs to make sure that he um, you know.  I just need a minute.”

“You need days, weeks, Nate.  Let Eliot finish.”

“Maybe a drink?”

“No,” they both said in unison. 

“Pain meds,” Eliot finished.  “They don’t mix very well.”

Nate had learned the hard way that pain medication and alcohol did not mix from the job in Juan.  There was nothing in his stomach though to come up.

“Where should we go?  It’s so damp down here.”

“Soph, here’s all we got.  You clear out of your place?”

“Yes, the movers were there yesterday. Everything is in storage.”

“Mine’s clean too.  Sure that Hardison is clean too.  I’m not so sure about Parker, although no one knows where her place is.”

“I’m done,” Parker answered behind him.  “Not like it took too long to pack up.”

“We should split up,” Nate came out with, sighing as he did like it was too much effort to even talk.

Eliot finished the stitch on his back as Sophie held him.  “Not yet.  I am not walking away like we did last time.”

“Yeah, that wasn’t fun.”

“Got the safehouse ready for action.”

Safehouse?  Of course Hardison would have an escape plan.

“Plan double z.”

“No Eliot.  We need a safehouse in like half the plans I have figured out.  Hey, I gotta knock out this gear and send it off.  It shouldn’t take me more than a few hours.”

Hardison dangled the keys in front of Sophie.

“Take good care of it, now, hear.  No bleeding on the carpet.”

As gently as they could, his team helped Nate to a waiting car.  He didn’t recognize it at all, so it must be a rental of some kind, he hoped.

“Please don’t tell me one of you stole this?”

Eliot sighed at him as Parker stuck out her tongue at his statement.

“Sophie wouldn’t let me.  It’s a rental.”

“Good.”

As his head hit the back of the headrest, his eyes drifted closed as he attempted to listen to the conversation right outside the car.  Sophie got in the driver’s side and started it, waving as she drove off.  He drifted in and out of consciousness, only as Sophie stopped too fast or jerked the car around a corner too sharply.  In his fogged state, he remembered why he never let the woman drive.  She was a menace. In one or two instances, his shoulder felt like there was an arrow sticking out of it, since it was such a sharp, shooting pain.

“Pain meds not take effect yet?”

“No,” he grunted out.

“Give it a little bit more time.  If not, I can give you a bit more, but not too much.”

Anything would be better than what he was feeling at that moment. 

 

When he woke up again, it was to the feeling of soft cotton sheets, cool against his body, since he didn’t have much on except his boxers.  Someone had cleaned him up somewhat, but he still felt grimy from the running for his life and all the blood that had been spilled.  The light that shown through the gauzy curtains gave him no indication where he was or how long he’d been out.  It could have been two hours or twenty-four hours from what had happened.

The pain was bearable as he sat up, dizziness being more of a problem.  Someone had been thoughtful and placed a glass of water next to the bed, along with what looked to be pain medication.  With his good arm, he moved over to pop a pill in addition to drinking down the whole glass.  The cool water hit the spot, but he hoped that it wouldn’t come back up once he’d done it.  Sliding off the bed, since it was a very high bed, his feet hit the ground with a thud.  Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to get up and wander about, but the bathroom called him, so what was he supposed to do?

It didn’t take long to find the bathroom.  Stripping off what little he had on, he turned the shower to full blast, not caring about the stitches, which looked to be underneath some kind of waterproof bandage as it was.  He wanted to feel human again, or at least not smell like he hadn’t had a shower in days.  His skin crawled, hair itched and mouth felt like it was full of cotton.

He stood under the water for quite a while, not moving, not thinking, just feeling the hot seep into his bones.  He hadn’t wiped his mind like that in a while.  It felt good not to be thinking of his next move, but getting warm again.

The shadow on the other side of the frosted glass startled him a bit.  Even if it were an enemy, there was no way he was going to defend himself without clothes or any idea where he was in the first place.

“Nate, you should have called me.”

Sophie.  Yes, he probably should have waited for her.

“Be careful and don’t get those stitches wet. Eliot will be very put out if you do and he has to repair them.”

Now that his brain was starting to move again, he wondered how on earth he would actually wash himself since one side of his body was out of action.

“Nate, are you alright, darling?  You haven’t moved since I opened the door.”

The door to the shower swung open to reveal Sophie in all her glory.  He’d never seen her as dressed down as she was in sweats and a t-shirt.

“Nice outfit.”

“Yes, well, I didn’t have any choice in the matter.  Most of my clothes are off limits at the moment and Eliot did not want to take the chance of us being followed.  Hence the outfit.”

Nate pointed to his shoulder.  “I can’t move.”

“Oh, right.  Just a sec.”

Sophie shut the door, then opened it a few seconds later, sans clothes, towel thrown over the side.  In her hands was shampoo and soap.  Not that he cared, but now he’d smell like her too. 

“Thank goodness you have the strength to do this now.  You were beginning to smell very ripe.”

“How long was I out?”

“It’s been two days.”

“Two days?”

“Yes.  I thought that Eliot was going to have to start an IV, but we managed to get some liquids down you finally.  You hate broth, by the way.”

He didn’t remember any of that, erasing it from his memory.

“You did drink some though, once I forced you.”

Her hands felt heavenly as she scrubbed his hair, fingers massaging his scalp and neck.  The water looked a little pink or it just could have been the lighting.  He hoped that he hadn’t been lying in a pool of blood for over two days.

“We cleaned you the best we could, but I knew you’d feel so much better once you could get in here.”

“The blood?”

Sophie’s bright smile was a bit forced, he could tell.  His blood always bothered her immensely.  Probably because if there was blood spilled, it usually belonged to him.  Eliot rarely bled, and when he did, it disappeared faster than anyone expected.  Only a few times did the other team members bleed.  He guessed he was just as upset about the others bleeding as she was about him.

“Well, since you didn’t listen.”

“I didn’t.  And I’m sorry.”

Sophie’s eyes widened at his apology.  She finished with washing his back, turning him to complete her job.  Looking down, she glanced back up and smirked.

“Nate.  You’ve been hurt.”

“You’re naked in a shower, with me. What else am I supposed to do?”

He swayed a bit as he realized he hadn’t eaten in days.

“Not fall down from lack of eating and losing so much blood.  Do you understand how much you lost?”

“Must not have been that much,” he joked before letting her finish.

Drying him off, she placed the towel around his middle and got one of her own so he wouldn’t be tempted.  Not like he could do much about her status. He could barely move, much less anything else.  Propping the pillows up on the bed, Sophie helped ease him down onto it, accidentally tugging on her towel that was now neatly tucked just above her breasts.

“Behave yourself, Nate.”

“I am.  I swear.”

“Not likely.”

Beside the bed was a tray with sandwiches and drinks.

“Thank goodness for Eliot.”

“Yeah, thank goodness he’s here so we don’t die.”

Sophie rolled her eyes at him, knowing that even if Eliot wasn’t around, she certainly could figure out how to feed them.  Setting up the tray, she arranged the food so he could reach it with his good hand.

“He’s going to want to look at that shoulder now that you’re clean and much less stinky.”

Placing a kiss on his forehead, she swiveled to head back into the bathroom.

“Which means I should dress before he comes barging in the door, or one of the others decides they cannot wait any more.”

There were times when having the others almost living in his back pocket was annoying.  Having them at his apartment day and night sometimes got out of control.  Now he didn’t have the apartment anymore.  It kind of irked him that it wouldn’t be that way. 

“Eliot said he’d bring you a sling,” Sophie stated as she came out of the bathroom with her clothes now intact.

Climbing up onto the bed, she reached for her sandwich too, sitting opposite him, touching his legs as she did.  Her hair curled riotously all over her head, damp from the shower they’d just taken.

“What time is it?” he asked between bites.

“Oh, I think I came up here around 4.”

“4pm?”

“That’s right.  Dear, you slept for over a day without stirring.  If you hadn’t woken up by now, Eliot had the IV ready.  At one point, Eliot had to wake you up to take your medication.  You did toss and turn quite a bit though.”

Dreams.  He remembered a few images that had flashed in front of him, of his father, voice sounding resolved to his fate, Dubenich and his taunting, Latimer and his smirk looking at Nate with disdain.  And the faces of his team, his family, as they watched what he was going to do to the two people that had his father killed, just to make sure that Nate was going to go after them. Well, it worked, except it backfired on them.  They thought they were smarter than he was.  He proved them wrong, at least on that one point.

“We do have some unfinished business.”

“I know,” Nate said thoughtfully.  “Hardison able to take care of any evidence we might be responsible for?”

“Sort of.  I’m not sure that the FBI won’t attempt to pin anything on us.  Interpol is looking the other way, for now.  The CIA?  Hardison is not so sure.”

“Kind of figured we’d be blown after this.”

Her soft hands rubbed up and down his calf as she talked to him, like she knew that the conversation would upset him, which it did.  Nothing, not even Sophie Devereaux’s soft hands, would help ease the pain of what happened.  Only time would.

“So, plans?”

“Working on it.  Your plans?”

“Definitely working on it, hopefully with you in them.”

“Oh, definitely.”

Moving the tray, Sophie offered him another drink before putting it on the nightstand.

“How long did Hardison rent this place, which by the way things look, is very expensive?”

Sophie smiled.  “Who said anything about renting?”

“Which one does it belong to?”

“Who said it belonged to any of us?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t ask.  Should I be worried?”

“Don’t worry.  We won’t be disturbed. It has a great view.”

Now that Nate had showered, had food, and had taken that pain med, his mind started to drift, sleep attempting to overtake him.

“Time to rest, Nate.  Don’t worry. We’ll take care of everything.”

“I’m sure you will.”

 

Parker chewing right next to him awoke him out of a deep slumber.  The bacon did smell good though, so he didn’t mind that much.  He could also smell pancakes and maybe coffee?  His stomach growled in response.

“This bacon is good. Can I have yours?”

“No.  Who’s the invalid here?”

“Not me.  I guess I’ll have to get Eliot to make more.”

“How many pieces did you leave me?”

Parker counted out loud.  “One, two, and a half.”

“You can have the half, Parker.”

One of the quirks of Parker was the fact that she liked to share food, even going so far as to eat part of what you were eating.  Sometimes Nate just gave up and let her have the rest.  Sometimes, especially if it was something that Eliot made that he liked, he refused, even though she’d tell him that she spit on it.  He’d never seen her do that, but thought she told him that to be able to acquire what she wanted in an underhanded way.

“Oh, thanks.”

Parker helped him sit up, handing him a cup of coffee right after she did.  He hadn’t had any caffeine in days, so it smelled especially good to him.  Could have been better with a splash of something, but he wasn’t complaining.  He really wasn’t planning on getting on Sophie’s bad side, so the alcohol would have to wait.

“Eliot said you needed to get out of bed today.”

“Oh, he did.”

“Yeah. Something about not spending all damn day cooped up, being depressed and all.  Wasn’t good for a man like you.”

“Why is that?” Eliot was worried about him?

“I think he hid all the alcohol.”

Nate sighed.  They all thought he’d go back to his old ways, drowning himself in drink instead of dealing with the issue head on.  Hey, he’d even thought of it in the back of his mind, but realized that none of them would help him with this quest.

“I’m an adult,” he reminded the thief.

“So?”

That always seemed to be Parker’s answer.  He’d throw logic her way.  She’d scoff at it and walk away. 

“Where is everyone else?”

“Hardison is still working.  Eliot said something about cooking. Something that would take all day.  No idea about Sophie, although she’s here somewhere.  This place is too damn big.”

Nate was curious about what kind of property the group would steal or borrow as Sophie had put it the night before. 

“Where are we exactly?”

“I dunno.  Some place on the coast in Massachusetts.  Not like they’d let me drive.”

Slowly, Nate swung his legs over the side of the bed.  Thank goodness Sophie had suggested he wear pajama pants.  The way Parker was eyeing him up and down, he didn’t want to have to deal with that either.  Her comments sometimes were off the wall.  If he didn’t have clothes on, no telling what might come out of her mouth.

“You have a lot of grey hair.”

Nate sighed.  And so goes the conversation with Parker.

“I realize that.”

“Doesn’t necessarily make you old.”

“Oh, I’m feeling old right about now, Parker.”

“Blood loss will do that to you.”

The shoulder pulled a bit as he gently placed his feet on the ground.  Parker handed him the sling that Eliot had provided, even helping him place it around his back when it became tangled.

“You gonna walk around without a shirt on?”

“Since I don’t know where my clothes are, then possibly, for now.”

He’d had weirder conversations with Parker, although this one was right up there in weirdness.  Parker crunched on one of his pieces of bacon, unable to resist it any longer.

“Oh, you’re up,” Sophie said as she opened the doors, smiling at Parker as she did.

“Trying.”

“Good.  Oh dear, let me find you some clothes.”

“As Parker keeps reminding me.”

“Yeah, my eyes,” Parker smirked.

Nate rolled his eyes at Parker’s joke, knowing that she was just attempting to see if he’d fight back with his words, like he always did.

Sophie winked at him, telling him that she indeed liked it that he was partially undressed and since she was the only one in which it mattered, that was good enough for him.

 

After wrestling to get his one piece of bacon and finishing up his pancakes, Sophie led him down the stairs after he dressed in a t-shirt.  The sling fit comfortably around him, helping ease the pain that was still twinging every time he moved the wrong way.  The grand staircase was a bit much, but as Sophie opened the doors to the study, he thought he could get used to having a room with lots of light.  The bat cave had been just a bit depressing, with its dampness and no natural light at all.

The monitors set up on the opposite wall showed all the work that Hardison had put into their escape.

“We burned,” Hardison said as he saw Nate come into the room.

“What did you expect?”

“We are really burned.  Every single alias.  This is gonna take months to fix.”

And here they thought that stealing an election in a foreign country was going to be difficult. Starting over?  Even more so.

“I have faith in you, Hardison.”

“Damn straight. I can fix this.”

“As always.”

“Sterling’s been poking around the bar.  Not that anyone would give him the time of day.  Cora left me a message.”

“Can’t be traced?”

“Who do you take me for?  Seriously.”

Nate sat down on what looked like to be a very expensive sofa that was as soft as butter, or so the saying went.  His mind was blank.  Literally.  He didn’t know the next step, the next play, the next anything.  It was like this last job, which was probably one of the most important jobs they had ever completed, sapped him of any brainpower that he had left.

The room with its dark, rich wood and leather sofas relaxed him, but his mind did not wander, thinking about their next job.  It stayed stuck, like it had been turned off.  His usual thing was to be in planning mode. 

“Ok, so um, what, I can’t.”

“Focus?  Nate, you gotta give yourself some time,” Eliot said as he entered the room with a cup in his hands.  “Here, drink this.”

It didn’t smell bad, so he did as he was told.  “Tea?”

“Soothing.  You need that right about now.”

Eliot moved to open the French doors on the other side of the room.

“Better not blow my papers all over,” Hardison grumbled.

“Fresh air.  Indulge in it sometimes, Hardison.”

“I’ll indulge you.”

And so the insults went back and forth, but Nate ignored them, breathing in the clean air.  It had felt clean that day too, by the falls, water flowing, trees swaying off in the distance.  The smell of gunpowder, a discharged weapon, searing pain, the realization that here, whatever happened, it was coming to an end.  Four years of protecting people, helping people who couldn’t was coming to an end.

“Hey, got your boat,” he heard Hardison off in the distance.

“Boat?”

“Yeah, the one you made.”

Hardison had tucked it on to the elaborate mantel, it looking a little out of place.  It had taken him many painstaking hours to build that thing, had kept his mind occupied with the intricate details, helping him focus when he needed it the most.  Leaving it behind was an omen to Dubenich, to tell him that whatever Nate had built, Dubenich couldn’t touch it.

“He thought he knew you, you know.  Thought he knew each one of you better than I did.”

The room became quiet, chatter stopped, tapping on the keyboard delayed.  The only sounds were the water off in the distance, the hum of a computer’s fan.

“And I believed him, for an instant.  He thought you were criminals, bad guys.  He was wrong.”

“Damn straight he was wrong,” Hardison pointed out.

“We’re not the same people he hired,” Eliot joined in.

“If you were, this would have never lasted.”

“Where do we go, from here?” Eliot asked, looking to Nate that he wanted some answers, was relying on Nate to guide him to the next level.

“I don’t know.”

“Simple as that?”

Nate closed his eyes, attempting to imagine what the next step was.  He had nothing.

“We have time.  You lucky you’re even out of bed.  The amount of blood?  Besides, I think we all deserve a vacation.”

“Yeah,” Eliot said, not satisfied in the least by Nate’s statement.

“The one thing that Dubenich missed, the one thing that he didn’t know.  He thought we’d turn on each other, leave each other to fend for ourselves.  We’re a team, dammit.”

“We’re a family,” Parker said behind him, having come into the room without anyone’s knowledge, as always.

“He tried to take that away.”

Nate’s brain was bombarded with images, of the warehouse blowing up, of possibly getting caught by Latimer, of the planning until his bones were weary, of the fact that all they’d worked for in Boston was now gone.  His father, the bastard, was gone.  And it was all Nate’s fault.

Pushing past Parker, Nate ran for the door, any outside door that he could find.  He hadn’t taken the lay of the land, had no idea where they were. He didn’t take time to find shoes, he just ran.  The shoulder bouncing up and down hurt like hell, but his mind blocked it out somewhat.  He’d pay for it later, he knew.  He just needed to get out of there. He needed space.

“Nate, wait,” he could hear Eliot yell off in the distance.

The one thing that Nate knew how to do was run.  Even in his weakened state, he remembered what it was like to run and run fast.  He didn’t care where or how, he just needed to run.  The beach below looked to be as a good a place as any.

“Nate, stop,” Parker yell.

He’d learned to run when he was young, on the streets of Boston.  It freed him from his father when he could just go without the fear of being caught.  The old man could never keep up with him, even when Nate was young.  He’d run for hours, thinking about life and other things as he did.  He’d sometimes end up miles from home, but he didn’t care.  With his sense of direction, he always ended up back where he needed to be, a little tired, but he could find his way home.  Now he couldn’t. Dubenich and Latimer had taken his home away from him.  Even though the team was free from jail, they weren’t really free.

He was up to his knees in water before he realized that he had stopped running, the cold salt water shocking him back to reality.  Having been stationary for so long, for so many years, his chest heaved with the forced exercise.  Off in the distance, boats bobbed in the waves, seagulls flew, clouds floated by serenely.

“Nate, what are you doing?” Sophie screamed from up above.

With his one good arm, he shrugged, not knowing how to answer.  Eliot came jogging down the path, with Parker hot on his heels.  Hardison was not far behind, Sophie taking up the rear.

“Nate, come out of the water.”

The looks of concern overwhelmed him.  They all thought he’d what, end it right here and now?

“Guys, I’m just...”

“Don’t you dare say you’re ok,” Parker protested.  “Because you’re not.”

“I’m not?”

Sophie waded into the water after him, shoes and all, balancing herself against the waves that were coming in.  He could see the tears falling on her face, the grimace on Eliot’s, Parker wiping away hers with the back of her hand, Hardison holding in his, not wanting to show that he wanted to cry right along with the others.

Parker waded in after Sophie to stand beside him.  Eliot and Hardison joined them, all looking at him now.

“Why are we all wet?” Eliot asked finally.

“Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Hardison, it was and still is,” Sophie said as she took Nate’s good hand in hers.

“Something just crawled over my foot.”

“Probably a crab,” Parker said as she smiled his way.

Then she splashed him, which in turn made him splash Eliot, who had been way too close to Sophie, drenching her.

Nate stood in between them all, watched as they screamed and laughed.  He had to smile too, at their antics and the fact that they all were wet from head to toe.  He didn’t join in though.

“Nate?” Sophie questioned, turning his way.

“It’s weird.”

“What’s weird?” Parker asked as she stopped kicking water in Eliot’s face.

“There’s no plan.  There’s nothing.  It’s all gone.”

The four stopped their splashing and gathered around him.

“It’ll take time. You need to heal.”

“Time?  Sophie, I don’t remember a time when I didn’t have a plan, a backup plan and another waiting in the wings.  I can’t focus.  I can’t be me.”

“Then we’ll find you again. Not like we haven’t done that before.”  Parker couldn’t be right, he thought.  It wasn’t them that needed to find him.  He needed to do all the heavy lifting this time.

“You can’t do this all on your own, Nate.  When you tried the last time, you fell apart. That’s what family is for.”

“Sophie?  Family?  I killed the only remaining family I had. It was my fault.  He shouldn’t have been there.”

“But he was, Nate.  You can’t go back,” Eliot stated.

Parker pulled him into a fierce hug, unlike the short hugs she usually gave each of them.

“We are going to fix this.”

The rest joined her.  He didn’t realize at that moment, but maybe this was the plan all along.  There was no way in the world they could maintain what they’d done the past four years.  He could do without the gunshot to the arm and the losing of his last blood relation.  It was like his slate was wiped clean.  It had always been dirty, filled with holes, pockmarked with regret.

“I need to sit down.”

The rest of them broke the hug, Eliot and Sophie leading him to a rock to make sure he didn’t pass out.

“Not a good idea to take a jog.”

They all huddled around him, Sophie close by his side.  He’d pay for moving his shoulder too much, but right at that instant, he didn’t really care.  He’d told Sophie that he had big plans and that she was included in these.  Maybe he’d start there.  If he concentrated on his team, his family, maybe something would spark inside him, get him moving again toward a goal that they all could follow.

“Alright, so now we’re all cold and wet.”

“I made soup.”

Thank goodness for Eliot or they’d all starve, or eat cereal or take out every day.

“And some bread.  Possibly other things if I wasn’t chasing some damn mastermind into the ocean.”

Nate got the hint. They all wanted to go back inside.

“I got sand in my shoes.”

“I don’t think it matters Hardison.  Your shoes are wet,” Sophie pointed out.

“That salt water is gonna be a bitch to clean out.”

“Deal,” Eliot chastised the younger man.

As they slowly made their way up from the beach, Nate looked back at the water. The sailboats off in the distance bobbed here and there. What he wouldn’t do to be out there, to do all the things one had to do to sail a boat.  The idea floated around in his head, how much he might enjoy just being for once.

“Hey,” Sophie said as she walked beside him.

“Hey yourself.”

“Are we good?”

“Are we?”

“Answering my question with a question.  When will you ever learn?”

“Apparently not right now.”

As the younger three teammates split off to change out of their wet clothes, Sophie led him back upstairs and shut the door to the bedroom.  The hazy sun that spilled into the room was at her back, almost forming a halo around her head. She looked like an angel, he thought.  It wasn’t the first time he’d thought of her that way, having encountered her in more situations where he just wanted to gaze at her for hours.

“Nate, love, you haven’t had time to mourn his death.”

“Where do we go from here?”

He wanted to know, wanted his mind to move forward, not backward.  He surely did not want to look backward.  Too much pain, too many memories that he wanted to put away and never take out again.  That had been his problem for years, thinking about the past, reliving it in color every night, trying to drown it with whiskey in his hand.  It never did completely blot out the misery.  He wanted to move forward.  He really needed to move forward.

“Not sure.”

She came closer.  He could smell the sea water on her, the hint of her perfume still present.  The humidity in the air had made her hair curl riotously everywhere. The concern in her eyes didn’t deter him.  The hand on his arm felt warm, loving, like she’d always be there for him now, unlike before, when she’d walked away from him to find herself.

The idea popped into his head as he gazed at her.

“I have to leave.  I mean, not right this instant.  I gotta do something.  Does that sound strange?”

Sophie’s eyes narrowed as she listened.  “Leave where?”

“I dunno.  I can’t do anything about it right now though. Damn my arm hurts.”

“Running off like that.  You had me worried.”

“Don’t worry. I mean, not that I’m telling you what to do because you’ll do whatever you want. It’s just…”

“You’re lost.  Been there before.”

“So you understand.”

“I do.”

She brushed the curls off his forehead, a gesture he had come to love if just so that she would touch him.

“You have time.  We have time.”

“See, that’s the rub.  We don’t necessarily have all the time in the world.  Just look how long it took us to get here.”

She eyed him, face curious but a little wary of what he was implying. 

“Where are we, Nate?”

“A crossroads.  A change.  Dammit, I wish I could just…”

“I love you, Nate.  I’ve loved you for more years than I care to count.”

Not what he was expecting for her to say at all.  They’d never said it, out loud to each other and now she had to go and do it, right when he was trying to tell her that his mind was blank at the moment.

“Geez, Soph, I…”

“You don’t have to say it back.  You go, figure out what you want to be when you grow up.  I’ll be here.  Wherever here is.”

“You’d do that?”

“Certainly.  I’m not letting you get off that easy.  You did the same for me.  I’m returning the favor.  Of course, you will not come back to me giving myself up to Sterling, so put that out of your mind.”

As he pulled her to him, he buried his face in her hair, her shoulder warm and inviting.  There hadn’t been time for any kind of intimacy since his father had died, his mind jumbled with planning to take Dubenich and Latimer down.  She stood by his side, didn’t waver one bit, even when he had contemplated shooting both of them, even though she said she didn’t date murderers.

“I wouldn’t stay gone too long though,” she announced.

“Why?” he asked, curious.

The kiss was not unexpected.  Sophie always got that look in her eyes, the look she seemed to only reserve for him, never a mark.  His shoulder was almost forgotten, but was still hurting.  He didn’t want any more painkillers, so he’d have to deal.

Her fingers trailed over his jaw, down his neck, lightly stroking his arm, underneath his shirt, tickling his stomach.  She gently took off his sling, eased his shirt over his head, watching for signs of pain as she did.  Her damp clothes ended up on the floor to the side, hopefully not ruining an antique rug that sat at the foot of the bed.  He loved just looking at her when she was like this.  There hadn’t been many times when he could since they were always busy, always on a job.

Sophie traced her fingers lightly over his scars, walking around him until she was out of his sight, but directly behind him.  He could still feel her heat against his back. As she placed kissed along his spine, he shivered at the coolness.  Her hands ghosted down his sides until reaching the top of his pajama pants.  They were a bit waterlogged and starting to feel uncomfortable with the ocean water that had soaked them from his impromptu plunge.  She skimmed them down his thighs, taking her time, nails scraping here and there as she did.  The boxers went with them, now pooling at his feet.

“Would you like to rest now?” came her voice, husky and inviting.

She was kidding him, realizing there was no way in hell he was just going to sleep after what she had just done.

“I believe we have some unfinished business to attend to.”

Those soft hands reached around and stroked him, almost making his knees buckle.  She had somehow lost the rest of her clothes too since he could feel her lush body pressed against his back.  As she pulled the blankets back on the bed, Sophie’s hands were never still, lightly stroking, coaxing him until he was able to climb onto the bed, arm almost useless so it took him a few tries to make it happen.

“Lie back and let me take care of you,” she whispered in his ear.

There wasn’t much he could do about that since he pretty much couldn’t use one side of his body.  She was in control for the most part, which he didn’t mind giving up one bit.  His mind wasn’t working toward the next part, attempting to see if he could make her squeal with delight as he did many times before.  As he lowered himself down, Sophie came with him, her legs already entangled with his.  His mouth sought out any skin he could reach, her collarbone, her breast, her stomach, until she settled on top of him, cognizant of his shoulder and the soreness.

He tasted the saltiness of the ocean from her skin as she moved up and down his body, her lips traveling from place to place.  Her lips finally found his again after sampling different parts of his body.  Even they still had a trace of saltiness to them.  The inside of her thigh rubbed up and down against his hardness, almost to the point of making him go early, which was definitely not what he wanted.  His hand squeezed her thigh, traveling until he found how wet she was.

It was never about want between the two of them. They always wanted each other.  They both knew that, never voicing it but using their bodies to show each other.  He needed her, craved her.  He just wondered, in the back of his mind, whether she felt the same way.  Just because she said she loved him, did that mean she needed him?   He had told her once that he needed her, to make her come home to him, to make him complete.

He watched as she rose over him, biting her bottom lip as she did, concentrating as she slowly sank down, enveloping him in her wetness. This was something he could never get enough of.  She opened her eyes once she did and stilled her body, totally in control now.

“I need you,” she moaned as she started to move over him.

She’d never said that before, never voiced it once the whole time they’d known each other.  She had needed to hear those words to come back to him.  Did he need those words too? To him, those were even stronger words than love and commitment.  Those were the words he had wanted to hear back from her.

His one good hand tangled in her hair and pulled her mouth down to his, plunging his tongue past her lips as he thrust up into her. She gasped out as he did, hips meeting him as he did.  As his hand roamed, he thought she’d speed up, but all she did was smile down at him.  He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. It was only when her walls started to contract around him, bringing him to completion as she groaned out his name that he knew he would always need her, would always love her.

As her body shook from her orgasm, he held on tight as his overtook his body. Sophie buried her face in his neck as she held him, breathing heavily as she did.  Raising her head, she looked directly in his eyes, almost urging him in his mind to say something.

“What?” he finally said.

“I cannot believe I finally said that I needed you and you didn’t call me on it.”

“Maybe because you mean it now?”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“And maybe because I’ve loved you for so long, saying those words have more meaning.”

Her eyes widened at his declaration.

“When?”

“When what?”

“How long?”

“How long what?”

“You said you loved me.”

“I did.”

“Since when?”

“I dunno.”

“Oh, Nathan Ford. You are the biggest…”

She didn’t complete that sentence since he kissed her silly.

“Possibly in that alley.”

“Which alley?  We’ve met in so many of them over the years.”

“I wanted you when I saw you in that alley in Prague.  Whether that was love, not sure.”

“Priorities.”

“Yeah.  Sure.  Whatever.  When I saw you in that alley in Chicago, I knew.  I was just too dumb to tell you.”

“You were drunk.”

“That too.  Before, when I was married, I couldn’t.  I was afraid.”

“Nate Ford, afraid of little ole me?”

She laughed his way, sliding off and to his good side, arm around his middle.

“You are a force to be reckoned with. I resisted for too long.  For good reason, mind you.”

“I didn’t resist, damn you.”

“Glad you didn’t.”

“I felt like some kind of lovesick teenager at times.”

“I’m not even going to ask what you did about that.”

She growled back at him, swatting his chest, eliciting a groan out of him.

“You were always part of my dreams,” she told him, breath hot on the side of his face.

“I can just imagine.”

“Your imagination.  I can only wonder.”

“You messed up the bed.”

“I messed up the bed?”

“Took advantage of the invalid.”

“Oh, please.”

As they drifted off to sleep later that night, Nate’s mind finally decided that it could take a rest.  In the morning, he’d make lists, figure out what was important, what wasn’t a priority and go from there.  The woman in his arms, and the others down the hall were the most important things in his life.  He had to make some changes, some big changes.  Maybe it might include a boat.

 

 


End file.
